i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize