that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Randomize
