a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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