new low.... made out with someone while peeing
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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