Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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