Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize