Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
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