it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize