Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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