My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
