I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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