I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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