At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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