Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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