do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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