WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
