I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
