Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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