Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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