is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
