I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
