operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
