Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I need a beard to bite.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
