is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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