Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
