dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
