Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
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