Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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