ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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