we have pet lesbian snakes
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
