What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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