what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
