Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize