Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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