Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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