Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
