I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
i believe in u and ur pee
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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