dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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