cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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