I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize