you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
