I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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