mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
