Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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