Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Randomize
