At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
