The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
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