His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
