you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize