if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
