If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
