When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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