you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
