the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize