i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
