Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize