If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
