4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i dont even know how to be here
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Randomize