pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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