I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
