My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
