Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
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