It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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