Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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