Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
