you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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