I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Just high enough for therapy.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
