and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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