Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
should my penis look like a turkey
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
